Fear of the unknown...

I've been having a tough couple of weeks. I've been really trying to stay away from Hy-Vee. I now only see Chris on weekends. There is nothing good coming out of going to the store multiple times a week in hopes of seeing him. I understand that he isn't interested and more than likely is unavailable by now. I really hate that I missed out due to my shyness, but obviously, it wasn't meant to be. However, I have recently found myself attracted to a young man who works at the Department of Corrections. Fine young gentleman. Really cute.

It's weird to think about the variety of men one can be attracted to. You would think they would have similar characteristics. Noah was tall (6' 4") and skinny, scrawny almost. Still not sure what I saw in him, ew. Chris is the perfect height, not too tall, not too short and has a little muscle tone. His arms are incredible. His neck, his ass... Whyyyy? All of him is nice to look at. He wears his slacks, white dress shirt, and tie so well. Mmm... it all fits him so well. I sometimes fantasize about taking it all off of him, especially the tie and the pants. I am not a dirty girl, but I've had some thoughts about him that would make even a whore blush. Back office desk angry sex was my favorite. I'm tellin' you, even a whore would blush. Then there was the hip swing striptease... I could go on...

Anyway, Noah and Chris are both White. The other guy is Black. It's been a long time since I've been attracted to a Black guy. I was worried I would be into White men forever until I saw him. I'd hit it. He's a good height, but kind of scrawny. But, like I said, I'd hit it. Hope to see him again soon. Those DOC guys are always at the sheriff's department when I do my runs. We shall see.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be 29. Crazy!

Congrats to the New Orleans Saints and Indianapolis Colts! That was my dream Superbowl. Who dat! The Saints will definitely whoop the Colts collective ass! Sucks for the Vikings...maybe next year... Can't wait!

I'm having a hard time dealing with...

I had a tough night. I sat on a jury that convicted a 27-year old man of second degree murder, endangering the welfare of a child in the first degree, and abuse of a child. I work for the Circuit Court of Jackson County in the Dept of Criminal Records. I've read a lot of cases dealing with the same thing over the past 3 1/2 years and I've never been on that side. During voir dire, I really felt confident that I could deal with this case. This man was was accused of murdering a 6 month old baby. His story was that he dropped the baby, tripped over his dog and landed on the baby. His defense claimed that he was forced into confessing that he hit the baby twice by the police. Yesterday, I began to feel like it was involuntary manslaughter. I honestly didn't believe it was his intention to kill the baby. He had to know the consequences of what murdering a baby would be, but we did agree that he endangered the welfare of a child. Unfortunately, if you believed that he endangered the child, you had to find him guilty of second degree murder. Tough choice. I didn't like having someone's fate in my hands. I never want to serve on a criminal trial again.

Jury Duty

Jury duty is depriving me of Chris Glick. I suppose that's a good thing. Quite interesting.

Oh wait... I'm supposed to be done with him. When I go there sometimes I can get through the whole store and not see him until he pops up when I'm at the checkout line. He hangs around and then walks away when we leave. It's strange.

Anyway, back to the jury duty.

I had to make a tough decision...

That decision was to go ahead and let go of my dream of becoming Melanie Glick. I honestly don't think I was ever going to do anything about it, so it was best to just try to shut off those feelings. I hope to be completely free of my feelings of lust for Chris Glick by March. Hopefully... With him being so physically stimulating (in my opinion), it's going to be kind of hard.

Maybe I'll meet someone else who will help me get over him.

Time will tell...