I have a horrible sinus infection. My head feels like it is going to explode...

I have avoided being really sick for a couple of years.

I have a sinus infection now and it has whooped my butt. I left work early Tuesday and called in sick Wednesday. I am starting to wish I had called in sick today.

I haven't worked out since Saturday. I hate that. I just hope I can get back into it on Monday.

I know what might help me feel just a little bit better...

I had my fill of him on Monday. While it was nice of him to pop up in every part of the store I was in (what a coincidence!), it was just a little bit weird to see so much of him. I swear I saw him 6-8 times in 10 minutes. Overwhelming? A little bit. I stopped breathing a few times. I don't know why he makes me feel like that, especially after two years. Weird.

Anyway, I am going to attempt to finish the day. It's not looking good for coming in tomorrow. No gym tonight either. Probably just going to do cereal for dinner as well.

Song of the Day

A little Celine Dion... don't judge me.

I Want You To Need Me

I want to be the face you see when you close your eyes
I want to be the touch you need every single night
I want to be your fantasy
And be your reality
And everything between

I want you to need me
Like the air you breathe
I want you to feel me
In everything
I want you to see me
In your every dream
The way that I taste you, feel you, breathe you, need you
I want you to need me
Like I need you

I want to be the eyes that look deep into your soul
I want to be the world to you
I just want it all
I want to be your deepest kiss
The answer to your every wish
I'm all you ever need

Chorus

More than you could know
And I need you
To never never let me go
And I need to be deep inside your heart
I just want to be everywhere you are....

I want to be the face you see when you close your eyes
I want to be the touch you need every single night
I want to be your fantasy
And be your reality
And everything between

Although, I'm not admitting to needing anybody. I guess I am. Whatever.

I won't be repeating the Valentine's Day card debacle from last year. I am actually going to stay away from the store tomorrow. I am helping my cousin cater a dinner tomorrow. I will be making myself busy. I will try my best not to think about that guy tomorrow. I found out that he works out like there's no tomorrow. It is obvious. Those arms... he's so scrumptious.

It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah...

I've heard so many versions of Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah over the past two years. k.d. Lang sang it tonight at the opening ceremony of the Winter Olympics, Justin Timberlake and Matt Morris sang it on the Hope for Haiti telethon, and Jason Castro performed it on American Idol. Justin and Matt's rendition of the song is my favorite. I love anything Justin sings. I guess that means I'm just biased.

Valentine's Day is Sunday. Another one I will be spending alone. I still can't believe I let people convince me that giving Chris Glick that card last year on Valentine's Day was a good idea. I regret doing that so much. It was cheesy and lame which is probably why I didn't get a response.

The other day, Noah accused me of being rude to him and repeatedly telling him that he was a mistake. I honestly think he was. He did nothing but hurt me over and over. He was so rude. I apologized. Sometimes, he's just so damn dense I can't help but be mean to him. Does that make me a mean person? Oh well...

I want to go to the gym in the morning. I haven't been running as much as I did in the last couple of months. I managed to run 3 miles yesterday. I thought I was going to hurl. I was so tired. I need to get back into it.

Anyway, off to bed. Boring Friday night...

Random thoughts...

1) "Always Be My Baby" is the sweetest Mariah Carey song and video. I absolutely miss 90s Mariah.

2) Paranormal Activity was scary.

3) Inglorious Basterds was hil-freakin'-arious. Violent and gory, but funny.

4) Where is my Butterfly CD? One of the best albums Mariah ever made. I bought it when it came out in like 1997, but it got lost when we moved. So I purchased it again 5 years ago and again can't find it.

5) I miss my cousin Kimberly. She died in a car accident in July of 2003. Probably one of the worst times of my life. She didn't have to die so young. Listening to "One Sweet Day" made me think of her. She made a bad choice and isn't with us anymore. I think I still struggle with it a lot.

6) Wentworth Miller is one hot piece.

7) Don't you hate when you're listening to the radio when you're feeling down and every song that plays just makes you feel worse?

8) It is possible that if I ever saw Chris Glick with some woman (or whatever he's into) in the romantic capacity, I would probably cry. Right there. I have to stop listening to these Mariah Carey songs. They aren't helping.

9) Pat Benatar's We Belong doesn't help either. I love 80s music. Guilty pleasure.

10) Keyshia Cole has changed so much since she first came. Less ghetto. Now she's about to be a mommy.

Alrighty, that's it for now.

I hear your voice inside me. I see your face everywhere...

We belong to the light, we belong to the thunder...

Seriously? This man is killing me. I get hit on by the guys I don't want, but the one I want just doesn't see me.

I am on a mission to prove something is wrong with him so that I can move on. I hate this never-ending heartsickness that's been bothering me for almost three years.

Great. PM Dawn's Set Adrift On Memory Bliss is on. Always makes me sad. That and Die Without You. I remember reading this book about the time that song came out that was so sad. A girl's bf died in a motorcycle accident, but came back as someone else and she didn't like this new person he came back as. Eventually, she fell in love with him again. I think that's what it was about. It was the early 90s, so I could be wrong. Don't judge me.

I feel like I need to throw up. Or cry. Crap. I don't know what to do anymore. I get like this which leads to late-night texting with Noah. I guess I'll try going to sleep. Would help not to see his (Chris's not Noah's) face every time I close my eyes.

Ugh...

And time makes it harder...

When are the feelings going to go away?

I am not at the point to where I love myself enough to share that love with the man that will love me.

But in the process, I could be missing out on that man.

Life is so confusing.