I hate when I get like this...

Whenever I get down about love and other crap, I listen to all the songs that intentionally make my heart ache. For some strange reason, I think that if I listen to songs that make me sad, I'll cry and the pain of whatever I'm going through will disappear through my tears. Most of these songs were made in the 90s, you know, back when music was good. I was a carefree teenager who could give a rat's ass about any guy but Tollie Campbell (love of my life in 8th grade), Corey Fort (boy I thought I would be married to today even though I was a freshman and he was a senior), Jack Holly (the jock that I'd known forever who was all of a sudden hot to me), and Maurice Bass (the dude I didn't notice in middle school who was so hot by the time we were seniors).

This is my playlist for the night:

Wait For You - Elliot Yamin
Missing You - Mary J. Blige (from the "Share My World" album. The best album she ever made.)
You Put a Move On My Heart - Tamia
I Love Me Some Him - Toni Braxton
How Could An Angel Break My Heart -Toni Braxton
All I Want For Christmas Is You - Mariah Carey
You're Always On My Mind - SWV
I'm So Into You - SWV
Weak - SWV
Never Had A Dream Come True - S Club 7
Brokenhearted -Brandy
It's All Coming Back To Me Now - Celine Dion (don't ask)
I Want You To Need Me - Celine Dion (Seriously, don't ask...)
When I See You - Fantasia (this one pretty much describes the whole Chris Glick situation)

Noticing a theme? I swear I didn't pick these songs intentionally. This list came from my Yahoo! Radio. All the songs fit my current mood. How strange is that?

I know I said I was going to move on, but that's easier said than done. This is all so screwed up. I see him and I want to force myself to say something to him, but I just get freaked out.

I have a fear of the unknown. I fear putting my heart on the line. I know it seems like I'm going into it assuming it's not going to work out. That's not it at all. I just feel the need to protect myself from heartbreak. But in doing that, I could be depriving myself of a damn awesome relationship and/or friendship, right?

Honestly, I just want it to be over.

2010 is going to be a better year. I'm going to celebrate the last year of my 20s learning to love myself and not concentrating so much on finding love. When the time is right, God will lead the right man to me. I am not going to force it.