So I've decided...

I'm going to give this thing with Cedric a try. I am going to try my best not to screw it up. There's just something about him that makes me want to give it a chance. I guess it's because I'm comfortable around him. He's really nice and sweet. You don't meet a lot of men who still open doors for women or make them feel comfortable.

I am finding it difficult to get over Chris which means that I am probably going to have to start shopping at another grocery store. If he was meant to be a part of my life, none of this would be as difficult as it has been. If I could describe how I feel when I see him, it would probably be easier for people to understand. I'm sure people think I'm completely crazy for being infatuated with the same guy for a little over two years. If I was on the outside looking in, I would think it was crazy. Like I said, I know that it's wrong which is why I am doing something about it. Moving on. I don't want whatever could happen with Cedric to get tainted with this Chris thing. I don't want to see it as me using Cedric to get over Chris. I actually want to get to know Cedric. The way I feel when I see Chris is nervous and self-conscious, whereas when I see Cedric, I kind of get happy. He has a weird way of brightening up my day. How can I like Chris when every time I walk away from him I feel like crap? I walk away from Cedric and can't wait to see him again.

I may be attracted to mostly White men, but I may not be meant to marry one and I'm okay with that.

It's time for me to get my shit together.

I'm ready.

Bring it on, life.

I can't figure out just what to do when the cause and cure is you....

F M L!

So I found out that Cedric wants to take me out...

Great... I hope it's true. I'm looking forward to the adventure I'm about to embark on.

Finding the REAL man of my dreams. Future father of my children.

It's a damn shame that when I close my eyes and imagine myself with my husband and kids, Chris is the husband and the father of my children. Pathetic. Seeing him hurts so much... I always feel it deep in my gut. It's crazy nuts. He got a haircut and he just looks so much more appealing to me now that I don't want him to.

Doesn't seem fair. Hmph.

Anyway, my supervisor hired this fairly attractive bloke who is probably going to be the downfall of the office. He is the only man in our office. He smells good. Drowns himself in his cologne. Nicely groomed.

I'd hit it, if I was that kind of girl.

Levi is my other flavor of the week. He works at 24-Hour Fitness and my goodness, he's the only reason I get through my workouts. If I focus on him, I burn a ton of calories until I get self-conscious. He's hot. I'd hit that too. A lot. Again, if I was that kind of girl.

Then there is Benjamin. I met Benjamin yesterday. He's the lead singer of this local R&B group that my cousin works with. So charming. Flirty and chatty. Show-off. He said his name is Benjamin/Gee. Too bad he's so young. No robbing the cradle for me.

So let's see .... over the last two weeks we have met Cedric, the chivalrous corrections officer; Thalen, the lone hot man in the office; Levi, the freakin' hot 24-Hour Fitness employee; and Benjamin, the flirty, too young lead singer...

Wonder what kind of men I'll meet next week...

Of course, the only one with potential is Cedric.

Oh Chris, why won't you fall madly in love with me so I don't have to deal with this crap?

I better go to bed. I planned to hit the gym at 8AM. If I don't go to sleep now, that won't happen.

You made a fool of me... tell me why...

I want to watch Love & Basketball.

My allergies are bothering me tonight.

Anyway, enough with the randomness...

As of a few weeks ago, I officially gave up on Chris Glick. It had gone on for too long.

I realized that sometimes what you want in life, you're not supposed to have.

Charlie said it best in New Moon. "Sometimes you gotta learn to love what's good for you."

Mindlessly obsessing over him was not good for me. It was making me sick and depressed. I still think he's the most handsome man in the world, but just not for me. Whoever ends up with him will be a lucky woman. In the meantime, I'll try to get to know Sed.

Who knows... He could be the love of my life.