I'm going to give this thing with Cedric a try. I am going to try my best not to screw it up. There's just something about him that makes me want to give it a chance. I guess it's because I'm comfortable around him. He's really nice and sweet. You don't meet a lot of men who still open doors for women or make them feel comfortable.
I am finding it difficult to get over Chris which means that I am probably going to have to start shopping at another grocery store. If he was meant to be a part of my life, none of this would be as difficult as it has been. If I could describe how I feel when I see him, it would probably be easier for people to understand. I'm sure people think I'm completely crazy for being infatuated with the same guy for a little over two years. If I was on the outside looking in, I would think it was crazy. Like I said, I know that it's wrong which is why I am doing something about it. Moving on. I don't want whatever could happen with Cedric to get tainted with this Chris thing. I don't want to see it as me using Cedric to get over Chris. I actually want to get to know Cedric. The way I feel when I see Chris is nervous and self-conscious, whereas when I see Cedric, I kind of get happy. He has a weird way of brightening up my day. How can I like Chris when every time I walk away from him I feel like crap? I walk away from Cedric and can't wait to see him again.
I may be attracted to mostly White men, but I may not be meant to marry one and I'm okay with that.
It's time for me to get my shit together.
I'm ready.
Bring it on, life.
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